no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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