I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
