haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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