Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
