Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
