She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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