As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
the liver wants what the liver wants
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
