i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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