I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
