i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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