Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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