just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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