arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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