I just saw a hot homeless man
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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