I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In America we eat man semen.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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