OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Congratulations! We have a period
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
