P.S. I can't hear my feet
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
