i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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