New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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