Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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