apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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