ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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