Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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