I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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