Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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