Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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