Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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