Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
