It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to cum in my sink.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
