Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
