my sisters under your porch take her home
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like eating out sand paper
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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