I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
