peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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