You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
