i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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