Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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