Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize