He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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