Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
