Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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