I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
