do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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