Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
