we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
