alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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