i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
