i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
