Kiss
Puke
I CAN MOONWALK!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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