Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize