I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
