I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A bitchslap is in order.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize