I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
