I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
ok first of all what the fuck
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