found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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