If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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