thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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