I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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