Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
