Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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