Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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