is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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