Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
