OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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