She's JV to your varsity
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
