OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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