I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
