you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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