ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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