My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
