My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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