I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
