I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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