ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
