the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
