Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
