Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
