ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
