At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
