God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
