he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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