After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
God, I missed his penis.
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