there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
