But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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