so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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