Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
