i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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