yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You're like the curious george of whores
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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