dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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