Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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