i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
