is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
