Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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