I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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