so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Still dying that you shit outside
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
