If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
