You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize