Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
