I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
