When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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