The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
